i always have this thought and perhaps will always be; everyone has their own first love. it doesn’t always have to be their last, but there will always one person we called first love.
first love doesn’t always have to be the first person we fell in love with, doesn’t always have to be our girlfriend or boyfriend, and doesn’t always have to be last long in the relationship. but indeed, first love can be that first person we fell in love with, or they can be the last person we fell in love with. it can be anyone in any order.
for me, first love is that one memorable person to us when we fall in love with them.
since this is my personal blog, i’d like to write down my own first love story. i talk a lot about this person in real life. please note that i talk about him, not to him (shed a tear). but it’s okay, really. the story no longer hurt me. everything about him in the past seems nice to me.
he wasn’t the first person i fell in love with, even though we dated back in teenage year but he’s not my first BF. we dated for almost a year, and we were still somewhat called communicating after the breakups. i remember it clearly how everything happened back then, how everything ended so fast, how i wish i accidentally met him, how he doesn’t care my existance, how i chase him for years.
apart from this first love, i’m going to tell you something about another person. let’s give this person an intial: X, for now. someone i dated far far long after our breakup, and i hate this person soooo much. like, a lot. i hate this person entirely with my deepest heart. maybe because i thought this person ruined my life? idk, i just hate him. end of story.
let’s go back to the main topic. i told you that i talk about my first love a lot in real life, right? i don’t talk about this person regularly, i just talk about him a lot. and there’s one person—who knew my whole story—when i told them i dreamed about him, told me that “maybe he remember you as you remember X.” ah, i don’t even realize this possibility exist.
what if someone important to us, remember us as we remember someone we despise so much?
i wish to accidentally saw you somewhere, i wish that you will–at least, talk to me for once, i wish every impossibilities that would happen between us—before the idea that you might despised me. now all i wish is that you’d remember me only as a good memory and nothing more. it’s 10 years already, the hope that you realize my feelings, it’s fading away. no, not the feelings. you will ways be my dearest, sweetest, young love for me. it’s just, the thought that you have the same feelings for me, i know the time’s over. just let me reminiscing all of those memories.
the fact that i still talk about him up until now after 10 years, the fact that i wrote this after 10 years, maybe he’ll despise me even more. but, the fact that i realize now everything i did was wrong, i’ll do my best to stop. though this is too late, but it is always better late than never. right?
as a closing to this trashly-written blog, i wish a good day, a good life, and a good memories to you all. stay safe as well!
ciao!
Rant and Rave 